Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Mommyhood - Do Over

One of the drawbacks of working really hard to raise a son who is healthy, enveloped in unconditional love, optimistic and curious about life is that......


For instance, today Ben would not get out of bed. He got dressed in bed. He ate his breakfast and went back to bed. He washed his face and brushed his teeth then returned to bed to read. That's great when it's Saturday. But when it's bloody Wednesday morning and we've got three minutes to catch a crosstown bus to the westiest western part of west village - mommy get's a little uptight.

Suddenly I heard myself shouting right at him "Benjamin - get your ass out of bed right now!!!"
Now I don't curse at Ben and I don't scream at him at pointblank range. But I did both. He was startled and so was I.

Frightened, he jumped out of bed - stood right in my face and said "I'm sorry that I was in bed but is that how it is now? That you use the A-S-S word and shout in my face? Huh? Is that right?" He started to get all trembly and teary eyed.

Instead of scolding him, I scared him.

I know what it's like to be bullied as a child and it makes me sick to think I even came close to bullying my own child.

I hugged him and apologized - while reiterating my frustration with his behavior. We joked and went on with our day.

Ugh. I hate when that happens because I know that's not me. It's a memory. And sometimes memories just flick on like light switches. Luckily they can be flicked off too.


Julie Marsh said...

Oh my goodness. What an amazing kid. We all make mistakes and let the stress get to us now and then, but I'm just awed by his response. I hope I can raise my girls to be as together as your son.

ellesu said...

You two sound like you're doing just fine. Isn't it amazing to realize that our children are raising/training us at times?

....Of course, I'm a pretty easy mark. If I'm not on my toes, I find my cat training me.

It's refreshing to read about your total and complete love and devotion to your family.

Kranki said...

I can pretty much guarantee that he won't remember the being scared part but that you were really cool and apologised to him for it.

JT said...

Omigosh, I have so many mommy do overs. Like what about the time I told a five-year-old Zoe how John Lennon was killed "right there across the street!"

Or the other night when I told her we had a ghost in our old apartment (I was driven to it--a long story) and then she couldn't get to sleep. Sometimes I am so selfish as a mom.