Is it July yet?

I've attempted to post several times recently but feel totally uninspired.

I'm just not a June person. Never was. Too many transitions.

We also go out to San Francisco each year in June to visit my brother in law and his partner in San Rafael. Right now both are battling severe (perhaps terminal) liver problems brought about by years of dealing with HIV. Their bravery and endurance levels are beyond extraordinary.

David and Harry (and their three Bassett hounds) seemed geniunely happy to welcome us into their home. They put so much energy into their hospitality that for a brief time I'd forget they were ill. When you enter their world you become accustomed to their periodic naps, their otherwise fit bodies holding up bellies filled with fluid, and their daily morning medical treatments (injections, medications). It's the in between moments that you focus on -- as they do.

It also occured to me just how much illness my son has grown up around. He is not a stranger to seeing what loved ones look like after repeated rounds of chemo or HIV related illnesses. Ben is not afraid of these things. It just comes with the package of loving people. But I do think he is afraid of losing them. And I do not have an answer for that because I am too.

Something about Northern California feels so kind to me. It's a good place to rest for a while. I need a rest. I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.