Sunday, May 30, 2010

Climbing Mt. Ikea

I am forty-seven years old. It has taken my entire adulthood to prepare for yesterday morning when I took a deep breath and walked into IKEA.

When you live in a small apartment in NYC, IKEA is commonly used as a sedative to be utilized at various turning points in life. Most common among them are:

1. You've decided to stop sleeping on the floor.

2. You've decided to stop sitting on the floor.

3. You realize that having a table to eat on is a good thing.

4. Jesus Christ, you're pregnant.

5. You live in 450 square feet with a husband, your baby and your need a miracle or you will shoot yourself.

IKEA has done more to extend the leases of thousands, if not millions, of New Yorkers living in untenable space situations than any act of public policy. So needless to say, I walked into IKEA with a bit of baggage....which is why I went to the IKEA in New Haven, CT.

It would have been far too mind tripping for me to go to Brooklyn. I would see too many versions of my past self, wandering through the aisles anxiously trying to find that miracle piece of furniture that would make it all work out. My space. My marriage. My mommyhood. My career. My dreams. All stuffed into 450 square feet.

IKEA would have driven that girl to tears.

I was on a different mission now. I needed a table. A huge table for the dining space in my little house in the woods. Would it shock you to learn that the dining room table I bought is as long as my bedroom in the East Village and just as cheap? There is enough surface area to reenact the Last Supper if necessary. We even bought chairs that were so light and inexpensive that I am wondering if they can endure the weight of an average human being....well, average American human being (add 20 pounds to the early calculation).

Will report back.


OHN said...

Love it :)

I think I may be the only person alive that has never set foot in Ikea.

Melanie said...

Neither have I.

jodi said...

I haven't either. Which is probably a good thing.

betribal said...

hey, IKEA shelves can hold alot of good books and I can save my money for more priceless things ie. traveling, gourmet coffee & private school education!

Terry at Blue Kitchen said...

A hilarious post, evi! I particularly love your list of five reasons to go to IKEA. We are big fans of IKEA. Not everything there is good; a lot of it is crap, in fact. But the things that work do so beautifully--and for wonderfully low prices. Enjoy your new dining table--and the roomy dining room that can accommodate it!

PTC said...

The Ikea in Brooklyn isn't too bad, but the Ikea on Long Wharf in New Haven, might be better. You could even take the train there, if you really had to, not that you'd want to because it would be a bit hard to carry a table back on the train. :)

Marion said...

I hate to shop, but Ikea is one of the few stores I could go to just to hang out and walk around. It's comforting and low pressure. I prefer the one in Elizabeth NJ, because you can watch planes take off from Newark airport across the street.