I went back to Ohio....

and my city was gone. Well. At least my part of the city.

A few nights ago I took a cab from the East Village across town. We cut across 13th street. I couldn't believe all the buildings that have been torn down and replaced with new construction. The new structures are at least 15 stories high. Probably more, but I'm not used to counting that high in my neighborhood.
First you see your community get fucked up by drugs and violence. Then finally it climbs out of that hell hole to be destroyed by the greedy real estate developers.

Seriously, will anything be left of the East Village in a few years from now? The artists are pretty much gone. The drag queens are pretty much gone. Regular people are being replaced with rich people each day. Now the buildings are gone. Maybe they'll leave a little piece of land where they can hire people to do East Village reenactments - like Colonial Williamsburg.

Sick Day

I'm feeling ugh today. Very ugh. 24 hour bug. Probably because I've been working/writing until midnight for the last two weeks.
You know how it is. All those balls in the air. Motherhood, a job, chairing the Halloween party at my son's school, serving as a trustee there and writing squeezed in somewhere in the cracks. My writing mentor just reassigned me to a group with three other people....who are PUBLISHED. The screws are turning. My apartment looks like we're moving. Must be wishful thinking on my part.

Bella Luna

Early Friday morning the new moon arrives.

New moons are the perfect time for beginnings. And this new moon has lots of power packed into it.

So start something.

It's not about doing it perfectly. It's just about doing it. Even if you trip, stumble and make a mess.

You won't be sorry.

Apology

Big Apple -

I'm sorry I said fuck you.

You've been through a lot. Today reminds me of all we went through and how it made me realize in stark terms - how much I love you and that there is NO PLACE like you in the world. When other people ran out of town - we stayed - even though we were scared of what might happen - because we weren't going to abandon you.

Five years later and it still really hurts. God bless all of those souls and their families.

Fuck the Big Apple

When you go away from this place for three weeks, away to a place with no cell phone use, no long distance access and non stop media in your face, it changes you. If only temporarily.

I got back on Sunday. Still relaxed. Still peaceful.

Now I'm surrounded by urban overdrive. I am in complete contradiction to my environment. It feels like being stoned but without the paranoa. I walk down the street, but really I'm floating. Everything around me is going way way too fast to even consider engaging in.

This can't last. Can it?

Is this how it feels to live in Ohio?

It saddens me to realize the level of anxiety, stress and fear that I usually function on from day to day.

Needless Suffering.

Maybe I need to pack up.